Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
