were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
