is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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