you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
