I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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