I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
