im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
