I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
