guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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