Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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