after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it's like iHOP with fire
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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