How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
