So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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