it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
