im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
