the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
