meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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