Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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