Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
