then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
