Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
