Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
