Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
