afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize