i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
