Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
