party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
