Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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