I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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