Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
