I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
