I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
