i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
