it hurts more in the daytime
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize