Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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