I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
