I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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