Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
