If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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