you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it's like heaven, but drunker
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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