A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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