Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
