Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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