Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
