Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
