you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
