Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
