What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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