Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
