So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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