it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
