the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
