does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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