Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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