You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
