Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
