Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
