I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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