I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
