I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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