Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
