Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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