Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
