Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize